His Chaos Didn't Scare Jesus
By Matthew Clark
Note: This is an excerpt from Matthew’s book “Only the Lover Sings.” It is a precursor to Matthew’s full, recorded talk that is available for members.
One day, having worn myself out by spinning my wheels in the muddy rut of my fears and hopelessness, I looked up and across the room. In my mind’s eye, I saw Jesus sitting on the gray bricks of the hearth like the rim of a well, calmly saying, “I’m still here, and when you’re finished, I’ll still be here.”
My worst sins and rantings couldn’t shake him. Jesus is so quietly constant in his love, and you can’t intimidate him with your failure. I thought maybe he’d have changed his mind after all this mess, but his steady lovingkindness gave me the courage to keep going. Could there be new chapters in my book?
That Jesus had not budged was a surprising realization. He clearly cared deeply about me in the chaos I was experiencing, but though my whole world had changed, nothing had changed in the least for him. He counted the cost of choosing to commit himself to humanity long ago. While I was flipping out, he was patient, waiting for me to realize he loved me exactly the same as he always had. I began to understand why the Lord is called a rock and a refuge.
Like the Samaritan woman in her moment of beholding, I discovered myself to be held in love by the Lord. That was a threshold moment, and though I still had a long road to travel, I was given the courage to begin taking a few feeble steps forward on my pilgrimage. Jesus’ assurance meant that, whether I can perceive it or not, there is somewhere to go from here. The pages of my book may be blank, but their blankness is now no longer a symbol of despair’s emptiness but of hope. Somehow though nothing changed in my circumstances, everything changed.
Everything changed for the woman at the well, too. I love the subtle detail of her dropping her old water jar, which represents her old ways of trying to satisfy her thirst on her own. It never did her much good and she won’t need it anymore now that she has a well of living water springing up inside of her. That withering way of life is over with. Then, she runs off with a new song of joy pouring from her lips. Those lips had been so parched; every song had dried up. But she goes to the town knocking on doors, singing, “Come meet this man!”
_________
Matthew Clark is a singer/songwriter and storyteller from Mississippi. He has recorded several full length albums, including a Bible walk-through called “Bright Came the Word from His Mouth” and “Beautiful Secret Life.” Matthew hosts a weekly podcast, “One Thousand Words – Stories on the Way”, featuring essays reflecting on faith-keeping. A touring musician and speaker, Matthew travels sharing songs and stories. Whether it’s a song, podcast, meal, or an essay, Matthew loves to “make things that make room for people to meet Jesus.” Learn more at matthewclark.net